deuxlits

…and we’re back! in school that is.

today was the first day of classes, as ucla is on the quarter system, and it was such a treat to be back on campus, seeing the gaggle of freshmen  roaming around. after the initial confusion and overload of my first year, i’m wholly excited to start the second round and delve more deeply into the ideas i’ve been toying with so far. i was back in san francisco last week visiting friends and someone asked me “how’s school going?” i stopped to think for a second, beamed, and replied “it’s going great!” that’s not to say that there aren’t frustrations, but after having taking time off from academia for several years, being back in this environment feels like being  a kid in a candy store…albeit with many more deadlines and insecurities.

those of you who know me, know that i have struggled quite a bit: panicking about tight deadlines, getting a slightly (ahem) neurotic about my abilities for innovative ideas but no matter what i’ve always been able to genuinely appreciate the fact that this is a time of experimentation and curiosity. during bitchfests with other students, i think it’s easy to forget why and how we ended up here in the process. i’ve known of other students who go through this whole process with tunnel vision, fixated on hyper-specific tasks and goals and my heart always sinks a little only because i really do feel really lucky and privileged to be an academia where we have the freedom and choice to make of it what we will. perhaps for most people this kind of freedom can be paralyzing, but i sincerely believe that academia is one of the last places where you’re encouraged to think creatively and wrestle with difficult questions. it’s true that the bureaucratic elements can be ghastly and i have yet to contend with the challenges with being a professor and the pressures of tenureship, but i’m really enjoying this time where i’ve been able to carve out space for myself to just try things out. it’s pretty damn fun.

a professor once complained to me that nowadays, people forget that education was in large part an experience rather than just a process of information delivery and i’ve taken this statement to heart. in the near future, i will have to start conceptually committing myself which seems so difficult to do when i’m so genuinely curious so many varied aspects of everyday digital life. part of me resists this only because it smacks of academia’s insistence on boundary demarcation. i know that i can’t just play like this forever but so for the time being i’m just going to stay in my candy store frame of mind until i really have to.